Chitterlings or chit'lins are the intestines of young pigs.

Here are some Recipes, for the Chit'lin lovers....Enjoy?

Fried Chitterlings and Hog Maws

In my part of the country, chitterlings come in 10 pound buckets. Hog maws come in smaller packages found in the freezer case. If you can find the larger containers and like the recipe, simply use several times the ingredients to end up with the same percentages. Local supermarkets also carry smaller packages. After cleaning the chitterlings of the fat you will only end up with about half as much volume.

2 pounds hog maws (pig stomach)

2 pounds chitterlings (pig intestines)

3 quarts water

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon red pepper (flakes)

1 medium peeled onion (white or yellow)

The hog maws are the thickest and will therefore take the longest to cook. Rinse them thoroughly as you trim off the excess fat. Put them in a 6 quart pot along with your 3 quarts water, onion, pepper, and salt. Bring them to a boil, then reduce heat to medium and cook for 1 hour 15 minutes.

While maws are cooking, rinse chitterlings thoroughly and trim the extra fat off them. Like most organ meats, they have a lot of fat. Add chitterlings to pot after maws have cooked for 1 hour 15 minutes. Cook another 1 hour 30 minutes or until tender. Add a little extra water if necessary.

CHITTERLINGS

5 pounds of frozen chitterlings - thawed

5 cups of water

2 stalks of celery with leaves

2 large onions, chopped

2 bay leaves

1 clove garlic, minced

1/2 cup of vinegar

1 teaspoon of salt

1/2 teaspoon of pepper

1 red pepper, cut in pieces (optional)

Soak chitterlings in cold water for at least 6 hours. Cover pot. Drain. Strip as much fat as possible from each piece and wash thoroughly in cold water. Make sure it is entirely free of dirt. Cut into small pieces about 1 inch.

Place in full pot of water with salt and pepper. Add other ingredients to the pot and cover. Cook over medium heat until tender about 2 1/2 or 3 hours. Serve with vinegar or hot sauce. (Serves 4-6)

Prepare a large cast iron skillet with 1/4 stick of butter. Remove maws and chitterlings from pot and slice. I use to slice them right in the preheated skillet although you can use a cutting board. Then stir with a large metal spoon as you lightly brown them. You can pour out the water from the pot, including the onion. The onion added a little flavor and made them smell nicer while simmering.

A variation on this recipe is to slice the chitterlings and hog maws into pieces as above, but them put them back in the pot with the stock. Again, you can get rid of the onion. Cover the pot and simmer the cut up mixture for another 50 minutes.

If you don't like onion or don't have onion, you can add four or five bay leaves to the mixture instead.. Again, you throw the bay leaves away before frying or cooking down the chitterlings.

By now the hog maws and chitterlings should be thoroughly done and almost falling apart. You can serve them with your favorite side dishes such as greens, macaroni and cheese, or rice. I actually prefer to eat them by themselves, with several splashes of hot sauce. However, they are fattening and it's tough not to eat too much. So you probably should have a side dish.

Store the leftovers in the refrigerator. Like so many other great soul food dishes, chitlins taste even better after the flavor has soaked in for a few hours. The leftovers won't last long.

Chitlins with Hog Maws

10 pounds of chitterlings

1 pound of hog maws, cut up

1 large yellow onion, cut-up

1 large green pepper, cut up

1 Bay Leaf

1 large white potato, peeled

2 Pods Red Pepper

1 tablespoon of salt

1 tablespoon of pepper

1/2 cup of vinegar

2 Cloves Garlic, sliced

If frozen, thaw chitterlings (this could take overnight). CLEANING CHITTERLINGS. Under running water, remove and discard fat and any debris from each chitterling section.
Place cleaned sections in a pot of cold water as you continue to remove and discard. Pour the chitterlings into the sink, fill the sink with water and clean each piece, carefully and thoroughly.

Double check to make sure there is no debris clinging to any piece. Rinse in fresh water several times. Cut the chitterlings into pieces about 2 inches long. Transfer to pot for cooking. CLEANING HOG MAWS. Thaw maws if frozen. Under running water, remove the fat and debris from maws.

Cut maws into 2 inch pieces. Rinse in fresh water several times. Place chitterlings and maws in large pot. Add garlic, onion, bay leaf, salt, vinegar, potato and red pepper. Bring pot to a boil. Reduce heat. Cover and simmer 4-5 hours or until chitterlings are tender. Stir occasionally. Remove and discard the bay leaf. Using a fork or spoon, mash the potato against the side of the pot. Stir to distribute the mashed potato. Serve hot

Oven Cooked Chitlins

10 pounds of chitterlings (chitlins)

1 tablespoon of salt

1 large onion, quartered

2 tablespoons of vinegar

Hot sauce to taste (optional)

Black pepper

Wash and pick all fat from chitlins, rubbing as you would clothes (helps to remove fat and residue). Place in heavy roasting pan; do not add water (they will make own water). Add salt and onion (onion reduces odor and cooking in oven does too).

Bake in 300ºF. oven, removing water as it builds up, but leaving enough for simmering. Once the chitlins begin to get tender (may have to increase heat), drain off excess water, adjust seasoning by using salt, a little more vinegar (if desired) and/or black pepper and hot sauce. Continue to cook until desired tenderness is achieved. Delicious served with greens, coleslaw and sweet potatoes

MY MAMA SAID IF YOU EVER SEE POTATOES IN CHIT'LINS DON'T EAT THEM. IF BREAD IS ON THE POT LID, DON'T EAT THEM. THE BITCH DIDN'T CLEAN THEM RIGHT.IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN....CAN YOU SAY SHIT TRACK.

THIS IS HOW IT WAS DONE, WAY BACK

Now we have to clean up (literally) the first by-product of the gutting process. What do you do with all those guts? Actually, while the hogs are being cut up into hams, shoulders, backbone, and sidemeat or pork, the intestines have begun the long journey to respectability. When the guts are removed from the hog they are immediately delivered to the skinning table. Here the gut fat is removed from the outside of the large intestine. This fat was always the first into the lard pot.

It served to grease the pot in anticipation of the more ordinary fat to come later on.Next stop for the intestines was the gut hole. A hole was dug in the ground (always away from the main hustle and bustle of the hogkilling) about 5 or 6 feet long, a couple of feet wide and a couple of feet deep. Boards or a sheet of plywood were secured along one side of the gut hole. This served the very obvious purpose of keeping the manure off the workers. (There wasn't as much manure as you might think because the hogs were taken off feed a couple of days beforehand.)

Large quantities of water was poured into and through the intestines to wash them out. In fact they went through more than a dozen washings. Eventually, the intestines were turned inside out with the aid of a reed. You turned the end of the intestine in on itself for a few inches. Then you inserted the reed and gently pulled the intestine back over the reed. Then you scrubbed the intestine with salt. And rinsed several more times. To quote one of the ladies who used to do this - "You washed them until they didn't feel slimy anymore".Now that the chitlings are clean, what do you do with them?

Well some are used as casings for making sausage. But most are cooked. The chitlings are tied up in a cloth feed bag (clean of course) and boiled for a few hours until they are tender. You can eat them right out of the pot, but most of them are frozen for later use. When they are eaten at a later time, you usually fry them over in a frying pan. They taste great! If you're wondering why the chitlings were put in a bag to cook, here's your answer. The purpose of the feed bag was to keep the chitlings seperate from the other stuff that was being boiled in the pot.

At the same time and in the same pot, you're boiling pigs' feet, snouts, a few ears, and usually a whole hogs head or two. These, when the meat boiled off the bone and was seasoned with salt, pepper, and vinegar made what we called souse. (I think grocery stores call it headcheese.) It tastes real good when soaked in vinegar and eaten with a soda cracker

.

PORN AND CYBER SEX'IN

A couple of years ago, I got me a computer. This is something I thought I would never have. When I started my current job. The guys at the shop was always on the computer. At first I didn't pay it no mind (fuck computers) but of course they got me. (hey Blackfoot, you changed a lock this week,(yeah...Well you have to put it on the computer). I used to laugh every time I hear them talk that computer talk. Next thang you know, I'm on ESPN checking out sports stats.

But what really got me was a game called War Craft,next thang I know, I done signed up with AOL (hey Blackfoot you want a computer.) no I'll pass, the shops work fine. Then they broke it down for me. You already have AOL FOR 19.95, why don't you just switch to MSN for 3 years, and they will give you a free computer. (well let's do the damn thang then.) What?- Got to buy a Monitor, (Free my ass)----Alright now, hook me up on some porn I WANNA BE A FREAK TOO. I search the internet, I can't find shit, or they want you to pay.

THE GUYS IN THE SHOP are computer wizards, they know there stuff, but they can't find me no free porn (lyin motha.....) so I finally found AMP LAND website with porn pictures, and a few movie clips. I just purchased me a DVD PLAYER and a CD BURNER I burned me a couple of CD's. Oh damn---you know what my DVD PLAYER lets you watch JPEG's on your television. So I did it. I figured I get about twenty naked women, at the time I didn't know about mega bytes, killer bytes.When I put my CD in my computer., I noticed that my CD still had 650 MB of free space.

How could that be. Well you should no the rest. But I wasn't haven it, so I proceeded to fill a CD-rom full of naked women, and it was a success.. Now I have a CD-ROM full of porn, 6,223 pictures-----BLACKS, ASIANS, LESBIANS, TITS AND ASS, FAT WOMEN.190 Porn clips--and a movie .......And by the way, to purchase this CD.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A FREAK NO MORE

AMPLAND you have your black, Asians you normal stuff. FISTING strait up some nasty shit.uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I went to WATERSPORTS I figured naked women on boats playin in the water. As I was checking out the pictures,no one was naked. They all had panties on, I was like what in the hell is this. Then it hit me, these women pissed in there panties. Oh damn I think this women shit in her droze. This is what watersports turn out to be. And maybe there should be a age limit for some of this stuff.

OLD/MATURE I'm 39 years old -don't want to see a 99 year old naked women. (at least until 2063) but not now, please. But any how I'm through with pictures I want some movies. Found some sites where you can download music and some porn. Lets do the dam thang then. But you have to be careful here. Just like ampland you can get what you want. GAY- no thank yah. FISTING, hell no. ANIMAL SEX, uhhhhhhh. MAN/WOMEN/ANIMAL fucking perverted freak shit. When you download your movies or music you can change the title. I got A LESBIAN THREE SOME, started out all three was sleep.

One woke up and started oral sex on the other. Oh damn, alright 2 women and a guy. At this point I knew something wasn't right. As I got closer to my monitor, "urp". Three guys getting there freak on "urp". I will never, ever download porn of the net again. I just get them from the local video/porn store. All women lesbian, fat women. Even she males? Hey, there women, they just strap on the long dongs.... Right?. .

Amateurs, Anal, Anime, Asian, Ass, Babes, Bisexual, Black, Bondage, Celebrity, Cheerleaders,
Cum, Shots, Fetish, Fisting, FTP, Gay, Group, Interracial, Latino, Large Ladies, Lesbians,
and Mature / Older.

Damn dogs

DAMN DOG'S

I was walking to the store yesterday, I notice this guy walking, out of know were a dog came running up to him. The dog buries his nose between his crouch. (I'm laughing) because he's trying to push the dog away, but the dog really wants to sniff his crouch. Now he has the owner trying to help him. Like always the owner is apologizing. (will you just pull a little harder please) I know this happen to you before there's always somebody's dog sniffing at your crouch,or your ass.

And yeah our favorite, humping on your leg. I'm thinking (because that's what I do when I walk. I never talk while I walk) why do dogs do that (A.) Your crouch or ass stank (B.) Is he just being friendly. I would probably rather have a dog attack me, than to have it sniff me (that's not cool dog owners). And the humping on the leg (I wonder if they were taught that by there master). That's just sick, and degrading. They seem to think it's funny. I think they compare this to a child who kicks you on your leg. (bad dog, bad dog. Slaps it on the nose I don't now what's gotten into him been acting up all week.)

What he need is my foot stuck in his ass, he'll learn real quick. People lets be real 8 out 10 people who has a dog has a funky house or apartment. I met a girl about 2 weeks ago, fine little honey. She invited me to her place. We sat on the porch for a while chit chattin. She invited me in (damn, what's that smell) it was like Mike Tyson just hit with a right cross. BAM!! It was that shit smell. Now I stagger against the wall. (Kim or you all right) that's her name. Like a warrior I lie (yea I'm fine). I some how make it to he couch.

Smells funky as hell up in here, but damn she's fine (just relax, be a man damn you). So I hold it down, this smell is kicking. BAM!! A foreman upper cut.- 2 piles of fresh shit she just scooped up. Now I'm on my knees, the funk is to damn much. (must hold on) I get back to my feet. I brake out the smokes. I got 6 cigarettes in my mouth. I'm using them like incense. (I'm thinking maybe this smoke will cover that funky as shit smell). After smoking about 2 packs (she walks in. Don't smoke in here cigarette smoke stank) I look at her (no shit stank. I wanted to say, but she is to damn fine).

So I go out side to get some fresh air. I stepped back in sniff, sniff BAM!! Larry Holmes just shot one to he gut, I'M KNOCKED THA FUCK OUT. It's the funk of all funks. Shit, cigarette smoke, pine scent. Now I'm throwing up, sick as hell. DAMN DOG'S! yeah cigarette smoke does stank, but shit STANK-KKKS. There's a lot of people who smoke outside because they say cigarettes stank. But there's a big pile of dog shit on the carpet that's been there since yesterday. I guess they get use to it

I'M A PLAYER? O.K THEN.

Way back in the day I was a PLAYER myself. And one thing i've come to notice. In every club, bar, or pool hall you will always find these type of guys. MR.MONEY BAG ( this is the guy buying all the rounds, mr deep pocket ). THA GIFT TO GAB ( always talking, tell the ladies everything that a women wants too here. ) DANCING MACHINE ( this guy nows 1,002 dance moves: 996 we probably never seen ). Theres a few others,but lets keep it simple.

These 3 guys help me when i'm trying to get my mack on------before I get to the club, i'm already 3 beers away from being tow down. The first thing I do is find my dawg LONNIE ( mr.money bags ) because this is were the women will be for sure. These women or not all that fine, a few a little over weight, but they will do if nothing else jumps off. ( I always have backup ).I say my hellos and yeahs. Give Lonnie a high five, and i'm off. I sit at the bar, just checking out the ladies.I'm lookin over at Jordann, and shes lookin at me, but I can't get that tonight, she brung her man with her.

Kim,and Lisa have there men to.-( damn ) this is a bad night. Now I have to find somebody new ( I hate that,to much talking,have to get to now them etc. ) and I ain't wit dat. So I get the first of my 3 beers ( that's my limit in the clubs there to damn exspensive ) now i'm in the groove, sitting here ,feet tappin to some dirty rap, head bobbin.A few women ask me to dance but I ain't ready yet. Beer 2 - i'm on the dance floor, doing that dance i've been doing since the 7th grade ( it's a smooth little cha cha I think it makes me look smooth ) a long with the fact that i'm just about tow down, and my high top fade is right.

Now the lights come on. That means the bar will close in 30 minutes. Beer 3 - at this point I really can't recall how I end up with ahh Toni. I HEARD YA probably going da da da da what in the hell is he talkin about but any way. I know theres somebody going yo dude i'm all 3 of those guys-----NO in the club you can only be one or the other ( that's club life man )- I just sit back, and chill - the women I meet has been taken care of MR. MONEY BAGS took care of finances. THA GIFT TO GAB took care of all the small talk, that I would have had to do. The DANCING MACHINE entertained her. Thanks fellas ya did a great job: now shell on, punks.

In order to be a mack daddy like myself you must never, ever bring more than 20 dollars to a club ( to many beggars out there ) don't know how to dance, just fake it we're all drunk.- they didn't even know I was doing the pewee herman were what you want, work close, jogging pants, that shirt with the holes.- in a club were all the same some have money some don't, some dance well some don't, some just showboat. We're all there for the same reason.- women. Those huchies mamas looking for some LOVE if only for one night,or forever. We're all drunk ( the only thing we have in common ) When it's all said and done MR.MONEY BAGS, THA GIFT TO GAB , DANCING MACHINE I got me one. And oh by tha way Debra had her last night. Didn't spend a grip. Dance till I was a sweaty mess. See ya

.

PRISON,JAIL,LOCKED UP.

PRISON,JAIL,LOCKED UP.

I know a few people who have spent a lot of time in prison. It seems like once you been you just have to get back.- I mean go back to what, the stabbings, gettin' raped. whats the deal sugar hill. Ain't prison for people who commit crimes, such as child molester,rapists,killers.I was talking with this guy name Mike,(best friend) hes been there. He said it's not that bad.He went on to tell me how he was the man at the prison he was at (I laughed). Because I ain't no fighting man, and I know I can kick his ass.( I'll bet you a $100, he was somebodies bitch. ) He gave me some advice. What to do if you ever go

1. Don't ever cry. Yea right... If they gave me 3 days or 300 years i'll be crying from the court house until I got there.
2. When you step through those bars hit the biggest guy you see, thanks Mike. I might just do that, maybe he'll hit me so damn hard when I wake up, they'll be handing me my release papers.

But i'll probaly be ass up, face down. Man get tha fuck out of here..( I punched him mouth,then kicked him in the ass) they say when you go be a man, fight. First of all I know i'll be crying scared as hell. Just put me in the hole , they told me the hole makes you crazy I don't think so buddy. Being around these swinging dicks will make me crazy. All day long your trying not to get stabbed, or a beat down, or raped I think it would be easier to just go to the middle of the yard and just drop my pants to my knees.. listen up, ain't but one of you mothafukas fucking me. first come first serve for real, don't need all these punks trying to get this.

I ain't no damn ho. hey me and my co-workers had this discussion. One guy said hes going out like a man and fight to keep his panties up (I mean whats the use of doing all that. Because not only did he take your man hood, you have broken ribs, face busted up, and your skull is caved in) they way I figure that was just foreplay for people in here. Eat breakfast, fight. eat lunch, fight,sex, fight again. dinner. sex, sex, more sex. And how in the hell can I take a shower or shit up in here man.

Theres fifty other guys up in here, up in here. I wasn't raised like this. I really want to do this by myself, with my news paper. damn I watch cops now and then, some of y'all go to prison over some dumb stuff. I went to the store yesterday on my bike. I left the store. I stopped by this book store to transfer my goods to my back pack. ( a car pulled up ) It was 2 young girl's----- hey what or you doin. I replied, nothing much just chillen. They ask again--just chillen.

They said something else. Now i'm mad, well maybe they can't hear me. (a big mistake). Or maybe they think i'm selling drugs, or they want to sell me some, or something illegal. I don't do drugs,or pay large amounts of money for sex. So I puff up my chest. I pimp walk up to the car, put my head in the window. You know to make sure they heard me this time. NONE OF YOUR GOT DAMN BUSINESS......oh damn. I see guns strap to both women sides. ( under cover cops ) now i'm just staring.

A patrol car pulls up. Now there laughing ( got another sucka ) I guess it was there GOT DAMN BUSINESS. You see thats one of the many times I could have been in prison. Lets say when I stuck my head in the window. NONE OF YOUR GOT DAMN BUSINESS. And we bumped heads, now i'm in trouble. assault on a police officer, a got damn felony. 5 TO 10, in the pen.I think it should be different. Just like a job, or college, getting an apartment we ought to have a choice were we should go.

Hey what happen here today.- well we had 240 sexual assault, 100 stabbing (5 dead), 209 in medic with various injuries, (80 in coma). See ya, this ain't my kind of place. Or maybe prison should be like boxing, yea that's it. a weight class straw weiht 105 pds. Junior fly weight 108 pds. Feather weight 126 pds. See right now I would be a super middle weight 168 pds. thats right now, but by the time I got sentence i'll be a straw weight 105 pds. Maybe i'll have a better chance of surviving in here.

People my size and weight. We'll be some boney ass rib showing crack pipe smoking mothas up in here. Or maybe it should be like prison was suppose to be. Put you in a cage, yo stayed in that cage into you were released. I mean I don't need no exercise (don't do it as a free man). And how about this marvellous ideal (lets put some bar bells in the yard, yo know let them get bigger, faster, stronger).That's just to damn stupid.

That fuckin crack head, paint sniffing lunatic came in here 1 pound away from being a skeleton, leave here lookin like the Incredible Hulk. Do we really need to get out and frolic in the sun.--no not me. Or friends that important in here, hell no. And why would I wanna work while i'm here. Damn that man, send me out there on the highway to pick up trash, you don't think i'll run. Sure I will I have nothing to lose. THIS IS PRISON, IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE THIS-------HELL IN THE CELL

God Bless America

Every year, more people are arrested than the entire combined populations of our 13 least populous states.America incarcerates five times as many people per capita as Canada and 7 times as many as most European democracies.America spends approximately 100 billion dollars a year on the criminal justice system, up from 12 billion in 1972. According to a recent U.S. Justice Department study conducted to measure violent crime in the workplace, correctional officer was rated the fourth most violent job, surprassed only by policemen, cabbie and private security guard. Men (9.0%) are over 8 times more likely than women (1.1%) to be incarcerated in prison at least once during their life.

Will you be a victim.

Though anyone can become a victim, those who tend to be targeted for male prisoner-on-prisoner rape include those who are younger, smaller, and gay (or possess feminine traits). Many are first-time or non-violent offenders in the early part of their sentences who are unable to defend themselves or who lack the protection that comes with gang membership.

Believing they have no choice, some male prisoners consent to sexual acts to avoid violence. For others, gang rape and other brutal assaults have left them beaten, bloodied, and in rare cases, dead. Often, those who live through the experience are marked as targets for further attacks, eventually forcing victims to accept long term sexual enslavement in order to survive. Treated like the perpetrator's property, the victim may be forced into servitude that includes prostitution arrangements with other male prisoners.

For women prisoners, particular characteristics do not play such a large role in determining who will be targeted for sexual abuse by male staff, but first-time offenders, young women, and mentally disabled women are particularly vulnerable.

Male custodial officials have vaginally, anally, and orally raped female prisoners and have abused their authority by exchanging goods and privileges for sex. Male corrections officers are often allowed to watch female inmates when they are dressing, showering, or using the toilet, and some regularly engage in verbal degradation and harassment of women prisoners. Women also report groping and other sexual abuse by male staff during pat frisks and searches.

.

88.7 MILLION DOLLAR WINNERS

Anthony and Monica Wilson were still in shock as they stood behind the podium at the South Carolina lottery headquarters without a clue as to how they will spend their big Powerball jackpot. "It's a different world," Anthony Wilson of Charlotte, N.C., said. "I'm happy and nervous at the same time." A store near Fort Mill sold the state's first-ever winning Powerball ticket, which is worth $88.7 million if paid out over 30 years, or $48.8 million if paid out in a lump sum. Wednesday night's winning numbers were 13-18-34-35-51 and the Powerball was 28. Lottery spokeswoman Tara Robertson said the couple had not decided which payment option they would take. "I guess for anyone, you become speechless," Robertson said.

"For them it's a dream, a dream that has come true." Anthony Wilson, 38, joked that he thought the person ahead of him in line at the Red Rocket on U.S. Highway 21 near Fort Mill may have gotten a winner because the lottery machine made a funny noise when it spit out those tickets. Wilson said he didn't realize until Thursday morning at work that he had the winner among the 60 tickets he bought. "I almost had a heart-attack," he said. Then he called his wife and his mother. "I have to call my mother back and see if she's all right," he said at a news conference in Columbia.

The Wilsons have not told their children, who are 16 and 12 years old, but were going to their son's concert right after the news conference. The lottery win does mean the children are going to college. "No doubt, they are going to school. I guess they can go to a good school now - a real good school," Anthony Wilson said. They said they do not have extravagant plans, but would give some money to their church and plan to pay off the house they intend to buy in Fort Mill so they can live debt-free. The Wilsons didn't know whether they would continue to work, but said they would take the honeymoon they never had.

"We're going to work on some additions to the family," said Anthony Wilson, a calibrations technician at Holopack International in Columbia. Monica Wilson, 36, works at Wells Fargo Home Mortgage in Fort Mill. Robertson said the state of South Carolina won along with the Wilsons. Seven percent of their winnings will come back to South Carolina through state taxes. The winnings are subject to a 27 percent federal tax, Robertson said. The South Carolina lottery started on Jan. 7, 2002, with just four versions of scratch-off tickets. Now, the lottery has expanded to include three numbers games and the Powerball.

Congratulation Anthony and Monica Wilson

SAFETY: BY BLACKFOOT

Damn it's cold out there. How yawl been, I'm doing well. Well I guess it's that time of year, muggings and beat downs. Most of yawl bring it on yourself, so here are a few tips to stop the violence. Walk like you don't care, like you don't have a care in the world. No not the pimp walk that new pair of shoes walk. We be high stepping, when we have new kicks on. We got more bounce to the ounce. Never take your eye off no one, get your look on, Peep round corners, at the ground, the sky, stop and pick up a rock, talk to your self. Sure you look like you've been smoking crack, or sniffing paint. And always get in run mode be ready to get your run on, homey. I know what the fellas are saying I ain't no fuckin punk, run who me I'm a man, I don't run from shit. I know big man.

Now stop that crying, medical help is on the way and please NEVER EVER TAKE OUT YOUR WALLET this is a big mistake. Every were you go there's always somebody begging for change ( did you hear me ) bums and rift raft never ask you for dollars, it's always ( yo man you got a quarter, or some change ). I always keep change in my pocket for this reason here, just in case I'm feelin generous about 2 times a year a quarter 2 dimes, a nickel, and 4 pennies.

You see that's were they get most of yawl ( yo man, can you spare some change for a starving brotha ) you ain't got no change, but your feelin generous today, so you break out the old wallet to hand hand him a dollar. ( bad move my man ) you hand him that dollar, oh damn what the fuck here's another one homes. Now your in the hospital with your wig split. He set you up for the big one. When you open that wallet he new you had a grip.

I mean he's a bum ( ah do I take these here 2 dollars, or that 351 dollars in his wallet ) jail or be hungry, jail or be hungry (jail ain't that bad) bam!! And for you CIGARETTE SMOKERS don't do it trust me on this. What's up dogg can I get a smoke ain't got none man I just seen you put them in your pocket, ain't got none no need for me to go through this shit. Let me tell yah how they get yah I get a smoke, your feelin generous today.

Yeah sure, can I take 2, need one for later on, no problem dogg just as your about to walk away-- you got a light ( yeah I do ) Wrong move crime victim. When he asked you for that second cigarette he just set you up for his finally, and that was the famous you got a light, we can always find the cigarettes, and they now this. The second cigg is a diversion, the light yah see your is never were its suppose to be, you reach in the left pocket, then right shirt pocket.

You can't find it, now you get nervous, dam I just had it bam!! You took your eyes of the crook. And how about this guy selling expensive stuff for cheap. SELLING $200 WATCHES FOR $10 yeah boy'ie, damn that's a good deal. Give me five of them there. I can give one to my mom, my aunt. My dad would shoal dig that one. (not that one my brotha, that will cost you $20 bones. Hole up, hole up, you just said all was for $10 but this here has a curtacal diamond in the middle, so that's extra.

But like I done told yah NEVER TAKE OUT YOUR WALLET this here scam will always make a sucka pull out the wallet--and this is a classic CALLIN YOU WHO YOU AIN'T ---- BIG WORM, YOooo BIG WORM, ( I look over ) long time no see man ( I keep walking, because I don't now this fool,-- but he's still talking about some bullshit ) so now I stop. What's up he's talking and he keeps talking-- man were you know me from.

Stop tripping man, over there on ah, ahhhh you know were man, you was wit my cousin White Owl, and Poochie. Listen here I ain't the one,don't know no damn White Owl, and fuck Poochie. My name is not no fuckin Big Worm, punk. It's Big Snake---now shell on, damn I messed up, see you never ever stop win they don't call you by your correct name. Most of yawl want to be polite and analog this. AND LADIES will you please, please leave that big ass nap sack ( purse, pocket book ) home.

Its not safe, yeah, yeah, I know that's were you keep your stuff, makeup, lip gloss, lotion in case your skin get dry, maxi pads in case of a accident, and your wallet.. You pull into the parking lot, you have to walk a mile before you get inside the store, gripping your nap sack, because ain't nobodies going to get your shit. BAM !!!!!. He didn't get yo shit, but he dragged your ass all over the parking lot. But now you have hundreds of dollars tied up in medical bills.

When all he wanted was the 50 dollars you had in your wallet. And if they do snatch yo shit, you just lost not only your money, but probably your identity. MO money ( New license, credit cards, car/ house keys. Etc.. Etc.) - leave it home silly. I was at Wall Mart, using the ATM machine, gittin a couple of dollars out, this young scrub approached me. ( Yo man, my moms locked her keys in the car, we need help, do you know how to jimmy the lock) I look him up and down, because there's 600 people up in here and his dumb ass ask me for help.

I look to the right and left, I mumble ( ain't this a bitch, motha fucka ) but I chill for a moment. WHY ME. I looked him right in his eye, and told him strait up HELL---FUK'IN---NO, now shell on punk. He was lucky there was a lot of people around, he would have also got kicked in his ass. How he gone play me, I ain't now sucka duck, he would have got most of yawl, it was a trick, at the ATM machine gettin some money, mom need some help ( sure I'll help you partner ) you get out there, mom throws 2 punches to the body, son put that scissor kick to the back of your neck, stole all your shit, because you fell for it.

I mean its a mad, fucked up world out here people, take care of your self. Because were out there. YOU GOT A SMOKE..Never ever open your door if you don't know who it is. When you hear a knock on the door, don't just get up and run to the door. I always let them knock at least twice before I even think about goin to the door. After third knock, I slowly creep to the door. (floors are squeaky) I look out the peep hole. ( if I don't know you I creep back to my spot )

Sometime if I do know you, I creep back to my spot. Call me first, that what telephones was intended for. I've had people do this when I knock on there door. Who is it comes after the door is already open. ( me sucka, now give me all your stuff, punk.) my brotha was telling me that bill collectors are hounding' him. ( I ask him what he mean ) my man can't answer his on door. I can't help him now, so this is for yawl. BLACKFOOT is never here.

I open the door, ( BLACKFOOT -my name is ) hold up cousin, BLACKFOOT ain't here, want to leave a message or something. (no I'll just come back) well do that,--then. Every day for weeks he come a knocking. Sometimes he catch me at the mail box, leaven ( BLACKFOOT here ) no. The last time in I seen that fool, he was sitting on my stairs ( BLACKFOOT is not home )---yeah I know.

CELL PHONES

I have tha phone hook up. I don't have much, but I have phones. One in every room, caller id, three way calling, per line block, call return, anonymous call rejection. Cordless with speaker phone, I even have the head set,and that great invention. DIGITAL ANSWERING SYSTEM got it set for 4 rings. When it rings 4 times a normal person will leave a message. Not my people I come home from a hard days work. I pick up tha phone check my calls for tha day. ( Don shuff called 20 times, mom called 5 times. Someone from San Antonio -10 calls. Unavailable -10 times.)

I go to my room to check my messages ( I had to put it in my room ) I know who calls because I got caller id. I'll just call you back tomorrow. Damn 15 messages. 10 of these are from Don Shuff - this fucka here never says anything. For some reason he's always eaten when I answer his calls. All you hear are smackin sounds. Stupid little fuck. Mom always leave 911 call. ( Blackfoot----this is your mother,,,, I need to talk to you-------it's very important). This sounds bad I'm thinking some one died, brother is in jail, or one of my nieces are hurt I don't call right back, got to get my head right for this tragedy.--- mom you called me. ( yeah, how are you doin. You got any money.)

I pull out tha wallet, bam, boom, pow DAMN I cut my digital answering system off now. I'll call you when I call you. And Don Shuff, you punk, your only allowed one call a day. Smack that scrub.CELL PHONES we get off at 5'o'clock, of course Lil Ceez was late. As we stood in the door way of the shop, Lil Ceez ( in case yawl forgot lil ceez is my homie ) he took out his cell phone called his brother Sweets I laughed, Godzukie laughed, and Frank tha Wright thang was rollin. Why, because 2 feet away there was the shop phone. He know he don't have but 300 any time minutes, why waste minutes talking to Sweets for well let me tell yah.

Just like the rest of yawl, your showoffs, trying to look important. He used that phone thousands of time. Oh, I know must have been a girl passin bye, and damn that phone 2 feet away had a cord on it. And this is the year 2000. ( can't let them see me use a phone with a cord on it. ) what I don't get is when you leave or going in your apartment why use the cell phone and you idiots who use your cell phone while driving. That's dangerous fool I was walkin across a parking lot. This stupid fool almost hit me ( I had the right away )- looked at me like I was wrong. If your dumb ass drive, and put that damn cell phone down, maybe you would have seen me.- you know what think most of yawl be frontin anyway.

Most of yawl probably are not talkin to any one. Every Mercedes, Volvo, or BMW I see pass. There always on a damn cell phone ( fake, fake, fake. ) - and for you people who have those head sets, you look crazy, like your talkin to yourself.

FAT AND SKINNY AT THE SAME TIME

Some people are skinny, some fat. Of course you have that muscles ( guy/dude/homey/damn showoff ). But I'm talking about fat and skinny. So you say, what's FAT AND SKINNY AT THA SAME TIME? Well let me tell yah, fat and skinny is when you have a big belly and skinny arms and legs, when your pant size is 34, and you get a 38. YEAH IT'S ABOUT ME just like this page. Were I talk about what I talk about when I'm by myself You heard me, 6 years ago I was 135 pds. Just skinny before I started my current job. After all those buffays ( all you can eat for 6.99 joints ), drinking all them forties ( icehouse ) computer and my favorite thing that damn playstation I know I'm taking to long, I'm ahead of schedule I was going to watch the Bernie Mack Show but, something called baseball was on ( damn ), now I'm fat and skinny. Any way people started saying man your getting fat.

I paid it no mind. I stepped on the scale, I was a 170 pds. I did not notice that my belly was getting large, the only thing I notice was these skinny arms and legs. About 3 weeks ago, while sitting on my bed I glanced in my mirror. My belly was huge, like my chest was caved in. My stomach was stickin in out from front and side, ( no love handles ) my belly was over lapin my shorts I mean I was eating a ham and boloney sandwich at the time. I wake up, put on my close, at about 9.30 my pant get a little loose, I tighten the ole belt. All mourning long I'm playing tug of war with my pant. There's a place were my pant wants to be right under the belly.So now I'm walking around with my pant cocked. Low in the front high in the back. It isn't until after lunch ( the ole buffay ) that my pant fits right. The tummy full, pant fit right, and all is well. Until about 2:30 here we go again (tug-tug-tug )

AT THA MAINTENANCE SHOP 8 till 5

I got to do this. I been wanting to do this since day one. But they cried and cried. ( No,don't do this, please Charles don't do it if you do were going to sue your ass ) It took me all this to time to figure out something. What if they did sue me, what are they going to get, there shit..Hey sue me ,cause it's on now. 80% of the stuff in my apartment belonged to them ( Yes Lil Ceez, GODZUKIE, KEV, BIG JACK I got it from you.) These guys are always finding something better, for example (in tha last year a lone Godzukie done had about..fifteen different DVD players.

He keeps sayin some shit about, I need one that plays pal, and region 1,2, 3, 4, VCD, MPEG... shut up punk. I have a DVD player that plays all that, I can watch pictures and video clips I down load off my computer on my tab ( APEX ad-5131 ) he went out and bought one. ( Oh hell no, the picture is not crystal clear ) man you ain't never satisfied, damn. So I guess he'll go on lookin for that perfect DVD player. Oh,, i forgot.it has to be progressive scan, what ever that means...I know big bucks drive on GODZUKIE, drive on.--NEXT UP....LIL CEEZ... I'll do this later.

DVD...DVD...DVD...DVD...DVD's I just don't get it. ( That's there come back line, when I start to chuckle, don't pay him no mind, he don't get it) Show your right. Tuesday is DVD day for new releases. I always go with them, so I can get my laugh on. They get about five DVD's. They walk out the store like they just won tha big pot at bingo night. (ha,ha,ha,ha---thats me gettin ready to give them hell). We get goin,--GODZUCKIE puts his DVD's in between the seat. LIL CEEZ carefully puts his on the dash board, for all you who don't know ---let me tell yah.

When they bought these DVD's they already new what they had---( Wide screen, 5.1, deleted scenes, theatrical trailers, subtitles or what ever.) They researched it so much they have to know, they found so many trailers, that in bits and pieces they saw tha whole damn movie. ha,ha,ha Lil Ceez....I wonder if dogs and cats is in 5.1 ( ha,ha,ha,ha ) fuck you BLACKFOOT. GODZUKIE....I don't know ( man stop lyin ) this is just a chance to admire your purchase. This will continue tha whole ride----i wonder who is the main star, I wonder this, I wonder that. I'm laughin so hard it hurts.Got dammit got caught at another stop light.

This is where they check out each other DVDs, four of there DVD's are the same. ( They pretty much buy tha same movies ) We get back to the shop, they eat. here it come. freakin a DVD --GODZUKIE carefully unwraps his bag, pullin them out gently one by one. He looks at them upright, side ways, up side down. opens them up take tha DVD out tha box. This is were he strainten out tha spine. ( They must be striat, they must be strait ) He rubs them, wipe them, set them up to see how there goin to look on tha shelf. (aaah, ha, ha, ah)--lil ceez opens his. hes lookin for a scratch, this is a no-no, he don't play ( He raises hell over a scratch )

I'm taken this back ( Why man-- ha, ha, ha ) It's fucking scratched! ( Let me see?... ha, ha, ha....I don't see no scratch, man you just trippen ) It's right there !!. Like i said, I don't get it. They buy a DVD every tuesday, knowing in about 6 months they'll be buying that same movie again. The movie industry got them. ( All that research they do must not matter ) Or maybe it's a thrill or some kind of freak thang goin on, you can always sell it on EBAY or to your local DVD/VIDEO store. Run by Joe Blow who can't sell nothin, but he'll make a trade with ya or, give you in store credit.

BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF they spent a year waiting for this movie to be released. They knew the day it was goin to hit the big screen. During that year the watch this one trailer over and over. ( To them that was the best 2 minute movie ever ). I even heard it gave them goose bumps...ahhhh ha, ha,.---OH HELL NO, NO THEY DIDN'T--BOO-HO-HO ( That was LIL CEEZ crying) Our town is not showin that movie ( hahahahahahahahahah----a ) But that didn't stop them from seeing it. He downloaded the movie of tha net. It only took six hours. Put it on a disk ( another hour ). Watched it on tha shop computer mutiple times.

I walked in tha shop LIL CEEZ and SWEETS was sittin in tha dark, knee to knee, elbow to elbow watching it on a 15 inch monitor. ( hahahahaha---aahh--hahahaha-----ohhhhhh hahahahaha ) they had popcorn, and drinks. I laughed so damn hard it hurt, I even laughed in my sleep. If tha movie was that damn good, why haven't I heard of it.-------hey BLACKFOOT ( what up? ) Need you to take call for me saturday. ( All right, but you owe me one-???????---What you doing saturday ) goin to Chorlotte--( What for) To um, see bro--hod of woo--f ( What in the hell you just say ) I'm goin to see Brotherhood of the Wolf. ( hahahahahahahahahaha, didn't you hahahahhha----just watch that------hahahahaha--about five times this week ). Yeah, but that is not the way the director intended it to be. It's not in 5.1, or wide screen. Oh yeah I forgot, we need wide screen, might have missed something on tha side, maybe over there a monkey was scratching his ass, never mind that you never see tha top of his head, or see feet.

Three hundred miles, and eighty dollars to see a movie, drive on LIL CEEZ drive on. The only man I know who's broke on friday, and have a new mustang on monday, you da man.( Hey, GODZUKIE--what are yo-ou doin sat-ur-day--hahahahahahahaha)...$10.00 --tha most i'll pay for a DVD. They always start out at $19.99 or $24.99. After about 2 years they'll come down on the price. For example---THE FAN ( Wesley Snipes and Robert De-niro ) 6months ago I got it for $9.99, guess what. Just seen it on sale at circuit city for $6.99...DAMN---FROM NOW ON $6.99 IS MY NEW PRICE.

I wonder how long it will take before they are FREE. ------------HEY YALL GODZUKIE FINALLY FOUND HIS DVD PLAYER
JATON--PSD7611K----progressive scan, it's in DTS (whao-hoo) supports NTSC and PAL ( ya heard me. ) and JPEG, SVCD, VCD, CD, CD-RW, CD-R/MP3 playback. ( Oh my goodness )-----GODZUKIE, GODZUKIE -----oh my fault, he also informed me it's KARAOKE (I can hear him now) TUB thumping.........( I get knocked down, I get up again, ain't nobody gonna keep me down-pis---in tha night awa-ay)......But i'll bet you lunch, he'll be sellin it in 2 weeks.

HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU IDOLIZE A MAN WHO DRAWS FUNNY BOOKS

Steve Bissette


I mean, people idolize Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan, Janet Jackson, why a funny book artist. Damn, why not idolize the trash man. The plumber who unstopped your fucking toilet. How bout that crack-head who washes your car every Saturday morning for a couple of bucks I think I figured it out. THE SWAMP are a bunch of washed up funny book geeks, who are trying to relive the glory days ( my bad, ain't no glory in funny books. ) There reduced to pitching a tent on the side of the road and calling it a comic convention. What's the difference between selling funny books and working for food?

Steve...write a goddamn book or blog on the following topics:

Why you left comics?
Why work for hire sucks?
Why Alan Moore got pissed off?
Did Jack Venooker ever return your art?

No! reply needed, this is a Steve Bissette only thread. So Steve is taking credit for my banning at The Kingdom. So that makes Jack a liar, because he also said he banned my Blackfoot ass. I need to make a road trip. Does anyone know what alley or corner Steve is trying to hawk those funny books? I need answers STEVE!